I am looking at a blank page with the word “Confidence” written in capital letters in a corner. And nothing comes to mind.
That was me a few days ago starting to think about this week’s picture: “confidence”.
“Creativity” seemed easier to me and with the rules I set myself for this project (more on that later in another blog post), I had difficulties to find a proper idea.
Looking at the whole list, I know that I will get this blank feeling again in the next weeks.
So, I looked at myself, at my past, my feelings and the first idea arrived.
Confidence as in self-confidence
Belief in oneself and one’s powers or abilities; self-confidence; self-reliance; assurance
Self-confidence has always been something I struggled with.
Strangely enough, I don’t mind speaking in front of an audience (whatever the size, and I spoke in front of hundreds of people). Whether it is to speak about my work during a conference or as an actor during a play, when I am on stage, in the spotlight, I am not really me. I play another version of myself: a character who looks like me and has my knowledge but he is full of confidence because he does not want to disappoint his work or his fellow actors.
In those cases, I know what to do or what to say (and I feel like a fish in water improvising on stage) and confidence is my friend.
It’s more in my daily life, when I am myself, that I lack this “safety blanket” and I don’t feel confident enough to share my thoughts and feeling. That’s when I freeze and shut down.
So, the first picture that I had in mind was to have a stormtrooper about to speak in front of a large audience, frozen with fear and looking for some self-confidence.
And for this one, I tried different things. I started with an overhead view of the stormtrooper facing the crowd, but I thought the story could not be understood easily.
So, I lowered the point of view of my camera and had the stormtrooper face me with the big crowd in the background. I find this second one much better.
But confidence has several meanings.
After this first idea, I was confident enough with this word. So I decided to also explore another meaning of the word.
Confidence is also a secret
a secret that is confided or imparted trustfully
As I told you, I have trouble sharing my feelings with others.
But sometimes, you need a lot of self-confidence, to really tell people what you think, either openly or in confidence. And that is the subject of my second picture: a stormtrooper confiding his own feelings to a friend.
The more I think about this 52-word challenge, the more interesting I find it.
It will be a way for me to reflect upon myself.
Maybe with this project, I’ve found a way to express myself to the world, in confidence.
Julien / Ballou34